


just hold on

by thir13enth



Series: rose gold [3]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/F, Post-Break Up, it's love as love is, it's messy it's heartbreak it's painful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8550667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thir13enth/pseuds/thir13enth
Summary: i've got my eyes on youyou're everything that i seei can't get over youyou left your mark on me





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mirajens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirajens/gifts).



> for [illustraice](illustraice.tumblr.com). meant for her lgbtq week way back when. i was so inspired by her motivation to just fuck it and make her own damn lgbtq week and i really respect that self-motivation so i wanted to get on board, but clearly i was a little late for the departure of the ship lol! at any rate, thanks for stirring me to write this fic.
> 
> also for [mirajens](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mirajens) because we all know how much she loves messy break up fics.

When Lucy sees Erza at her front door, Lucy isn't surprised.

"I was thinking about you," Erza tells her.

Lucy looks her straight in the eyes, and she slowly swallows.

"Erza — "

"Who's that?" Natsu drawls from inside.

Lucy turns her head to answer him, but the pink-haired man is already halfway through the entrance hallway. He's half naked, donning just a pair of gray sweatpants, a fresh new bottle of beer in one hand, and a six-month old baby in the other. He sees Erza and his eyes brighten.

"Oi, Erza! Long time no see!"

Erza sees him, sees the baby, sees the post-pregnant glow of Lucy's face still upon the tops of her cheeks, and she immediately understands.

Lucy is living the life that she's always wanted to live — happy, perfect, at ease. She has a child, a furnished home, a partner at home that greets her when she comes back from work with a big wide smile.

Lucy's moved on. 

"Hey Natsu," Erza greets the dragonslayer. She looks at the child in his arms and waves a finger at the baby. "And who's this?"

She notices her voice has raised an octave and that her smile has grown warmer. 

She wonders if perhaps she does have some maternal instincts after all.

"This..." Natsu announces, with great pride in his voice. "...is Nashi!"

"Nashi," Erza repeats, softly. "That's a beautiful name."

"Yep!" he replies, bouncing said infant up and down. Nashi giggles and burbles cheerily, and Erza watches wordlessly for a moment or two.

"Do...you want to come in?" Lucy asks, interrupting the sudden and unplanned silence.

"Oh," Erza replies, coming out of her reverie. "Yes, sorry, of course." She steps in after Natsu, who's moved aside to invite her in. She follows after the couple to their living room, sitting in the sofa that they've gestured towards. 

"I'll get some tea," Lucy offers immediately, as Natsu takes a seat next to Erza. 

"So," Natsu starts, turning toward her, putting Nashi on his lap. Nashi begins to crawl towards Erza, and Erza can't help but put both her palms out to intercept the infant's small hands.

Nashi's fingers are so soft and tiny and delicate — Erza worries that she might crush them.

Natsu rattles off his questions with great gusto.  "I haven't seen you in such a long time! What have you been up to these days?"

"Oh, nothing mu — " 

"Are you still working for the guild?"

"Well yes, but — "

"What sort of missions are they putting you on these days?"

"All kinds of things, really — "

"Are you still with Jellal?"

"Uh — " 

"Oh, don't be too nosy, Natsu," Lucy scolds her husband, saving Erza from answering the question.

Erza looks up at the blonde with grateful eyes — after all, it never seems like the right time to clarify that Jellal is not actually _with_ her — but Lucy doesn't return eye contact, simply setting down a tray with freshly brewed tea and three empty teacups.

"Ah, well thank you, dear," Natsu says. He puts his hand on the back of Lucy's thigh and squeezes, as she turns to sit down on the couch between the two of them.

His hand is discreet, but Erza notices anyway.

"So what brings you to this side of Magnolia?" he asks, taking the teapot and pouring some into a cup. His eyes briefly flicker to Erza. "I wouldn't expect someone busy and always on missions like you to come out to this quiet side of the town. You must have really missed us or something!"

Erza's mouth briefly opens and closes, as she continues to stare straight into his curious gaze.

She wonders if Natsu can see the answers in her eyes. 

If he can, he isn't showing it, but if there's one thing that Erza can tell, it's that Lucy doesn't need to take a second glance at Erza to know what she's thinking.

Lucy has always been able to read Erza so well.

That hasn't changed. 

Neither has Erza's feelings about her.

"Natsu," Lucy suddenly calls, looking up at her husband and giving him a smile. "Do you think you can give the two of us a moment?"

If Natsu suspects something, it doesn't show on his face. He doesn't ask questions, and simply stands aside. Lucy takes his place on the sofa next to Erza.

"Erza," Lucy interrupts her. "Why are you here?"

Erza opens her mouth, but then she closes it again and comes clean.

"I'm sorry," she apologies.

Lucy isn't surprised when Erza says this. She's been expecting Erza to tell her this ever since she opened the front door to her. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"We could have had..." Erza starts, but she starts to feel her throat choke up. "We could have had _this_."

Lucy listens without a flicker of emotion on her face. Her impartial face is one that Erza is not used to seeing — Lucy had always been so empathetic with her. It never had taken much to make Lucy cry, but yet Lucy is here sitting in front of her without even a blink.

"You haven't told him, have you? About... _us_?" 

Lucy looks at her for a long time before shaking her head.

"No," Lucy replies. She opens her mouth, as if to explain why, but she closes it again, leaving it unsaid.

Erza nods. She's not sure how to take it. On one hand, she's glad that she didn't have to address Natsu, awkwardness and all. On the other hand, she doesn't know how she feels about Natsu _not_ knowing that yes, Erza had once upon a time slept within his wife's arms, kissed his wife's lips, and wished for eternity with the woman who is now his wife.

There's a strange feeling brimming in her that wants him to know that Lucy had once been _hers_.

At least, before things between them had gone downhill.

"I'm sorry," Erza repeats. "I'm sorry that I wasn't right for you."

It's around this time that Lucy's eyes flicker. Her brows furrow. "Erza, what the hell are you talking about? Not right for me? Erza, it wasn't like you weren't good enough — "

"— I wasn't right for you," she interrupts. You wanted to move in together and you wanted me to just settle down, but I wanted to keep working for the guild and to keep training and getting stronger."

"Erza — "

"— I'm glad," Erza finally admits. "I'm so torn up and I still can't get over you, but I'm glad." She looks up at Lucy, resisting the urge to hold her hands. "I'm _glad_ that you're happy and that you finally were able to get what you wanted...marriage, a family, a home...a _child_."

Lucy's lips part, as if she's about to say something, but Erza thinks that she'd rather not stay for whatever Lucy had to say. 

"That's all," the requip mage concludes, standing up. "I just wanted to get that off my chest." She sighs. "Thank you, Lucy. Even now you still make me feel at ease." Erza offers the blonde a curt smile. "I guess I'll be off now then. I've said what I needed to."

And before another word is exchanged, Erza smooths down the wrinkles of her skirt and walks past Lucy toward the hallway heading to the front door.

"Erza."

Erza stops mid-step. She tries not to turn around too quickly —  she doesn't want to make it seem like she's been waiting for Lucy to call after her. She doesn't want to make it obvious that she still wants Lucy to say her name.

"I still love you," Lucy says suddenly.

Erza swallows hard.

She wishes she hadn't heard that.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in and out.

She can't respond. If she swivels around and looks at Lucy's face, she isn't going to be able to walk away. If she stops now and doesn't just leave, she's never going to be able to get this behind her. She couldn't hang onto the possibility if there isn't the option to begin with.

"I do too," she says, carefully, before finally turning to Lucy. "And that's not going to change even if we're not together." 

She waits for Lucy to respond, but Lucy very well knows there's no point in lingering.

"Take care, Erza."

Erza smiles. "You too."

And then she leaves, for what may be the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah no i can't believe that drake made another set of lyrics that inspired yet another one of my fics. it's so embarrassing.


End file.
